How to Talk Dirty in Bed

You never used to talk dirty, but now you're God damn disgusting.

Dirty talk is a beautiful thing. If you genuinely feel a certain way sexually, express it. If you hear it, it's alright to like it.

"You make me hot," was the first form of IRL dirty talk I experienced. He was 18, a senior in high school, and I, a 15-year-old sophomore. It was subtle, which was good for my rather shy and virginal ways, but I immediately knew I liked it. It felt like a show of appreciation - something I could take pride in. That I could make him hot. Eventually, I would hear that I made him hard.

Freshman year of college, I finally felt brave enough to experiment with words of my own. Initially, the words were formed more for the thought that they would turn on my partner. Telling him I wanted him to "face fuck me" only sort of represented my emotions, though.

I wanted to be sexual with him and I wanted to give him head, so the words were true...but my lust for these actions didn't drive my dirty talk. It was the thought that he wanted to hear it. And he did. But it felt more of a contrived act than anything else. I did have dirty thoughts whose vocalization would turn me on, but didn't feel totally comfortable admitting them to myself or anyone else. Maybe subtle dirty talk (slightly unclean talk if you will) was more for me?

The night of my sorority spring formal sophomore year, though, it finally clicked. My date had canceled on me 5 hours before the pregame, so I resorted to a blind date organized by my friend's hot boyfriend (because I assumed he'd have hot friends...is that so wrong of me??). Within minutes, it was obvious to both of us that we hit it off (the seven shots of Captain definitely maybe helped). And, it didn't hurt that he was also hot AF.

At the end of the night it went without saying that we were headed somewhere, anywhere, together. We opted for his dorm room, where he lifted off my dress. He laid me on my back, and started kissing downwards. His head reached the spot, and he looked up at me with a primal gaze. "You have such a nice pussy," he said assuredly. I expected to cringe with second-hand embarrassment, but I found myself liking it. More than liking it, I was driven a bit mad by it. He had told me this confidently because he believed it. I could feel the genuineness of the statement, and let myself get lost in it all.

This dirty talk experience resonated in that moment and into the rest of my sexual experiences. Take notes, you'll probably be tested later. First, I truly realized how important it is embrace all of your sexual thoughts and inklings. I realized I was holding myself back from saying things I wanted or meant, or fully enjoying the dirty things I actually liked to hear. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a person. Tune into your sexuality, and vibe with it.

Second, after you've unfastened your sexual thoughts, vocalize them. Sex is, of course, an act involving two people, so it's awesome if what you do gets your partner off, but it's also (perhaps more) important that it gets you off. If your dirty talk is genuine it will probably turn you and your partner on a lot. Keep it real, be confident, and be proud.